I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
