i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
