Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
