We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
