Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
