so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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