My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
