Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
