i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
