I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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