God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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