Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He shit in the fireplace
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
