Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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