fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drake has all the answers
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
jump out the window naked night went bad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
