I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
