so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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