So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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