I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
