It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
