I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
