How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thus making me awesome and them whores
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
