He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
