Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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