good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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