I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
