if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
