can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
