I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
