Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
