We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
