clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
