She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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