I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
