Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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