my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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