I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
