And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
