I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
