You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
