i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
