just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
