i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
