She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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