So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I could fuck to npr.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
