Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
