i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
