is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
