Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
