She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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