Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
