I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
