i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just threw up on my dentist
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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